Category: Tommy Stoffel

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LMTV #36: Less “Nice”, More “Real”

Can we be “too nice”? What does it cost us? And how do we get back into balance with who we are?

It seems that we are taught from a very young age to always “be nice”. And of course, being kind and compassionate to everyone is a beautiful and loving sentiment.

Well, perhaps…Unless we take it too far.

But what is “too far”? Is there such a thing as being “too nice”? Does “kill-em-with-kindness” do more harm than good?

These are great questions, and they are the topic of this week’s discussion. Just to whet your appetite, here are a few examples of what can happen if you take the idea of being nice too far:

  • you consistently give in to the demands of others, and in the process sacrifice your own wants and needs;
  • you make sure that your partner or parents or children or friends have everything they seem to need before you even consider taking something for yourself;
  • you have a belief (probably unconscious) that if you do anything for yourself then you are being self-centered and irresponsible;
  • you come to believe that if you are not nice, then you are mean;
  • you become resentful of other people who seem capable of asserting themselves.

Wow! This is a lot of stuff to bear in the name of being nice, don’t you think? But what is really amazing is that none of this is necessary!

We are not advocating that you stop being nice. What we are doing is bringing the ego-mind ob session with niceness into awareness so that you can begin toning it down, finding a balance, and making sure you include YOURSELF in the list of people you are nice to. They are advocating a balance of “niceness” with “realness”—that is, moving steadily toward an authentic and compassionate expression of who you really are.

Enjoy the video, and please leave a comment below.

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LMTV #35: Holidays…Cheer or Stress?

As the “Holiday Season” approaches, are you filled with joy or overcome with stress? We had invited a surprise guest to provide a different perspective, but unfortunately he was unable to attend.

What happens for you as the holidays approach?

  • Do you jump for joy at the prospect of creating and sharing a wonderful occasion for yourself and your family, complete with all the gifts and trimmings?
  • Do you find yourself feeling tight, compressed, and full of dread about all the things you imagine you “have to do” as part of your “holiday celebration”?
  • Or do you find yourself somewhere between these two extremes, excited about the holidays, but stressed out about the toll it’s going to take?

The holidays can be a stressful time for people, for all kinds of different reasons.

  • Maybe you’re concerned about making space in your calendar for all the people you “have to” meet.
  • Maybe you don’t like the idea of writing out 10, 50, 100, or even 500 cards to everyone on your list.
  • Maybe you are fed up trying to find special gifts for all the people you are “supposed to” buy for.
  • Maybe you just don’t want one more cup of mulled wine, or one more piece of Christmas cake.

So, how do we deal with this stress and still show up to be present for all the people that matter to us? Well, that’s what this week’s episode is all about. David & Tommy welcome a special “Mystery Guest” (rumor has it that he has some kind of association with the north pole…) to help find answers to some of these questions.

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LMTV #34: Here Come Da Judge!

It’s so easy, isn’t it? To hold ourselves in high esteem and judge others. To call ourselves right and others wrong.

It’s so easy to sit up on our high, holy throne and cast judgment on anyone or anything that doesn’t meet our standards. To face this issue, which according to one book is called “original sin”, it helps to look at the last four words of the previous sentence.

Doesn’t meet our standards.

Here are some questions for you to ponder:

  • Who gets to decide the standards for everyone?
  • How does it serve us to think that we have a better idea of standards than anyone else?
  • Who are we, with our limited mastery of anything, to hold others accountable to our ever-changing expectations and beliefs?

Perhaps you can begin to hear some of the lunacy laced into this logic; perhaps you can see the nonsense wrapped up in judgment. Some say it started long ago with an apple and a forewarning about the knowledge of good and evil. Wherever judgment came from, almost all of us are afflicted with the power of judgment. The proof is in the pudding of everything from gossiping to killing and war…all based on a head full of judgments:

  • Right vs Wrong
  • Good vs Bad
  • Appropriate vs Inappropriate
  • Acceptable vs Unacceptable

To be fair, we need to recognize that judgment is a necessary skill for navigating our way through the world. But we’re talking here about how we judge each other, and the damage it can cause.

But you know what? When we learn to let go of judging, life takes on a lighter, freer, more enjoyable dimension. Find out more about how to do this by checking in with David & Tommy in this week’s episode!

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LMTV #33: An Attitude of Gratitude

Have you noticed that we spend all too many brain cycles thinking about the money we don’t have, the job we don’t have, the family we wish we had?

It’s so very easy—especially during a time of year with so much emphasis on joy, giving, and family—to fall into the despair of how much we don’t have. The problem is, what we focus on, we get! Due to our tremendous capacity to create, what we humans focus our thoughts and emotions on attracts the same. So, like it or not, we’re in a fix!

“You mean if I dwell on things I don’t have, I keep getting more stuff I don’t want?”

Precisely! It’s a tricky game to play, that of creator. But let’s stop focusing on this for a minute and do something totally different. Instead of concentrating so much energy on what we don’t have—the money, the job, the relationship, the love—let’s focus on what we do have. Let’s remember how much good has happened and continues to happen moment by moment.

One great way to break free from the lack-trap, the pit of not-enough, and the quicksand of endless desires, is to practice a little…

Gratitude!

Some wise person once said, “Count Your Blessings”. Well, when was the last time you used some brain-space on that? Back in the day, after you made it through things like “I pray the lord my soul to keep” and “if I should die before I wake”, didn’t you also go through a list of thanking and blessing the special people in your life? Maybe it’s time to get back in the habit of celebrating the good times.

Life’s a gift…remember?

This week, David & Tommy are thrilled to welcome back Jo Ann Rotermund for a beautiful reminder on celebrating, rejoicing, and giving thanks for all that’s good in life.

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LMTV #32: Liberate Your Love

We put a lot of value on the notion of “Unconditional Love”, but don’t seem very good at practicing it. Let’s work together to unchain our hearts.

Every day we hear, see, or directly experience the results of heartbreak. A single mom driving her kids home from school. A dad calling his son on Monday morning to see how the weekend was. And now it’s official: the failure rate for marriages in the U.S. has surpassed the success rate!

So why are we so bad at this? More importantly, what can we do to get better at loving relationships?

We all seem to know about “Unconditional Love”, but who ever taught us what this really is? What it really means? How to actually do it?

We’re told to go out looking and, if we’re lucky, we’ll stumble upon the “right one” and fall in love. Are you serious? We’re leaving Love to chance? We’re lucky if we Stumble and Fall? How can that be?

When it comes to Love, questions like this seem quite common in the world:

  • Does “True Love” exist?
  • How do I find it?
  • Is love out there waiting for me?
  • When is it going to show up?

Like most Life Matters, the secret to unlocking the truth of anything—including wonderful loving relationships—is right there inside you. Believe it or not, you are an unlimited source of loving thoughts and emotions. You have the ability to create as much pure love as you wish. And when you do—when you learn to Liberate Your Love—you’’ll be amazed at all the love you receive back.

We’re talking the good stuff, the real deal. Pure, unconditional, true Love.

Check out this week’s presentation and learn how to Make Love every day—you’ll be glad you did.

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LMTV #30: Quitcho Bitchin’!

It’s easy to complain, especially about things that seem outside of our control. But what does it get us, and what is the cost?

Complaining, and its close cousin, Worrying, are two energies that very rarely bring satisfaction, and mostly just cause trouble. So why do so many of us partake in this nasty habit? What makes us hungry to gossip, bitch, and moan about life and all its woes? Is misery that powerful a host? Does it really love company? In a sense, aren’t we just saying that negatives attract? And if so, why on Earth would we want to attract negativity?

Or perhaps we complain about someone or something to justify our own importance! To feel right. To feel righteous. Or maybe just to feel like we’re contributing to the conversation.

The truth is, when we worry and complain, we’re mostly just hurting ourselves. It’s like sucking on a poison lolly-pop—over and over and over again!

In this week’s episode, we expose the truth behind “the bitch”—why we bitch and what we hope to gain from it. And just maybe…the next time someone asks “How ya doing?”, you might truthfully be able to rejoice, “No Complaints!”

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LMTV #29: Living Life Unmasked

Hallowe’en. The season of masks and costumes. But how many masks do we wear day-by-day? This week, let’s talk about “unmasking”!

Originally, it is believed, Hallowe’en was a time of celebrating the dead. Today, however, this celebration doesn’t seem to have much meaning at all, and appears to be simply an opportunity to dress up and have some “dark” fun. It is a time when people of all ages put on costumes and masks and pretend to be something they are not.

If you think about it for a moment, many of us spend a lot of our “real” time pretending to be something we are not. We put on false airs to appear more confident than we really are. We use humor as a way of dealing with uncomfortable situations, or for getting people to like us. Some of us have the belief that if we dare to reveal who we really are, we will be ridiculed, spurned, shunned…or worse. And so we put up our shields and don our masks in an effort to hide those parts of ourselves.

And what pain do we cause ourselves in the process? What suffering do we cause our loved ones? What strife do we create in the world?

This week, we welcome a wonderful guest, Junie Moon Schreiber, a specialist on the subject of Shadow, to share her wisdom and help us all to UNMASK! In this episode, we discuss what it means to show up in the world as a genuine, authentic being—unhindered by the false representations that we want people to see.

While this may be a challenging and deep topic (as topics usually are on Life Mastery TV), we are committed to making this light and fun. But you only get to see us with our masks off if you take a risk to share space with us!

Watch the video, leave a comment, and please remember to visit Junie’s website at Soulful Expressions.

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LMTV #28: It’s All About ME!

What comes up for you when you hear the phrase, “It’s all about me”?

It turns out that self-centeredness is a two-edged sword. And one edge of that sword is dangerous to everyone—including the one wielding the sword!

You see, on the one-hand we have the teaching of Jesus, who said “Love your neighbor as yourself.” For most people—and particularly most scholars—this means that we have to love ourselves in the way we wish to be loved so that we can share this love with our neighbors. But notice that the self (“Me”) has to come first. Another subtle aspect of this teaching is that we must take responsibility for our own internal processes and for our reactions to whatever happens around us. This is a true act of self-love, because it means that we are not projecting our “stuff” onto other people, thereby creating more pain and suffering.

But on the other hand, we have to be careful, because the ego-mind can turn “It’s All About Me” into a whole lotta selfishness. And if we don’t take charge of our ego-mind, then pretty quickly we get caught up in the “blame game”—making other people responsible for what we are experiencing—and this is the source of great suffering. By letting our ego-mind focus our attention on our own well being at the exclusion—and expense—of everyone else, we’re constantly creating conditions for disappointment and hurt.

So, why do we say “It’s all about me” at all? Because, in reality it IS! You see, the “Truth” is , we are ALL connected. We are all one. So, there is only really ONE of us here!

But even if you don’t buy into the whole one-ness view of the world, here’s something for you to think about. Everything you think, say or do IS about you. All your judgments, conclusions, interpretations and ideas are about you. No matter how much you might think that they are about someone else, they are about you. And so, our objective with this week’s discussion is to raise awareness of this, so that people can take full responsibility for their own thoughts, choices and behaviors.

And once you can get to that place, and others get there too, then you’ll begin to see that one-ness IS the truth, and that everything, everywhere is all about WE!

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LMTV #27: Getting to the Root (of all Evil!)

Have some bad habits or old patterns you want to change? Join us for some enlightening dialog about how to dig deep and shine some light on things.

Here are some things that seem to be pretty universally true:

  • Everyone wants to “be happy”.
  • Everyone wants to be free from suffering.
  • Everyone wants to have a good life.

What’s more, we’re all excellent, intelligent human beings with the capacity to create reality through our thoughts and imagination. So, why do so many of us still feel like something’s not right? Is it because we’re not trying hard enough? Perhaps not taught how to create a good life for ourselves? Perhaps still dealing with the effects of bad decisions made in our past? Is it just Human Nature? Are we just destined by our decedents to suffer the same human maladies they did?

NO, of course not! We have full ability to change the way we think and behave anytime we want. So why don’t we? Why don’t we just wake up tomorrow on the right side of the bed and start a new life?

Because of WEEDS. That’s right: WEEDS…

  • patterns or conditions or beliefs we’ve picked up along the way that no longer serve our best interest—if they ever did;
  • things buried in our psyche that unconsciously drive conscious decisions;
  • habits (or even addictions) we have adopted to help us cope with various aspects of our lives.

The key to improving your life, making it a little better each day, is to dig up the weeds when you find them. And, as you might already realize, you must dig up the entire root system, or else the weeds will just grow back.

This week, we share some life-enhancing techniques of Root Cause Analysis, to help you answer questions like these:

  • What do you do when a non-desirable behavior comes up?
  • How do you get down to the root of the problem?
  • How do you dig up the weed by its roots?

If you want to find out what’s troubling you and how to eradicate it, check out this week’s presentation for a very important Life Matter. We’ll dig deep and uproot some common WEEDS that block us from being the best we can be.

We may even get to the “root of all evil”…

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LMTV #26: Constructive Anger

Let’s put some love back into an emotion that gets a very bad rap…

Is anger really as bad as society seems to think it is? Is it as destructive as we seem to believe? Is there anything at all that is beneficial about anger? Is there a right way or a wrong way to deal with anger?

Anger is one of those topics that seem to polarize people into two camps that don’t have very much, if any, common ground between them. While our society seems perversely to glorify the kind of violence that accompanies war, we are pretty quick to condemn individuals who express their anger in any but the most modest and controlled way.

  • What do we really know about this emotion?
  • What is its purpose?
  • When is it appropriate?
  • What expression of anger (if any) is acceptable?

These are important questions, and we tackle some of them in this week’s presentation. If you have any challenges with anger in your life, you should take the time to check out this video, because we share some ways to

Transform your Charge into Creativity!

Check it out, and share your thoughts below.