LMTV #36: Less “Nice”, More “Real”

Can we be “too nice”? What does it cost us? And how do we get back into balance with who we are?

It seems that we are taught from a very young age to always “be nice”. And of course, being kind and compassionate to everyone is a beautiful and loving sentiment.

Well, perhaps…Unless we take it too far.

But what is “too far”? Is there such a thing as being “too nice”? Does “kill-em-with-kindness” do more harm than good?

These are great questions, and they are the topic of this week’s discussion. Just to whet your appetite, here are a few examples of what can happen if you take the idea of being nice too far:

  • you consistently give in to the demands of others, and in the process sacrifice your own wants and needs;
  • you make sure that your partner or parents or children or friends have everything they seem to need before you even consider taking something for yourself;
  • you have a belief (probably unconscious) that if you do anything for yourself then you are being self-centered and irresponsible;
  • you come to believe that if you are not nice, then you are mean;
  • you become resentful of other people who seem capable of asserting themselves.

Wow! This is a lot of stuff to bear in the name of being nice, don’t you think? But what is really amazing is that none of this is necessary!

We are not advocating that you stop being nice. What we are doing is bringing the ego-mind ob session with niceness into awareness so that you can begin toning it down, finding a balance, and making sure you include YOURSELF in the list of people you are nice to. They are advocating a balance of “niceness” with “realness”—that is, moving steadily toward an authentic and compassionate expression of who you really are.

Enjoy the video, and please leave a comment below.

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